I have reached the eight semester in my undergraduate study and it means this
semester I have to finish a final project (Tugas Akhir, ID) as a requirement to
graduate. Actually I don't really into my final project's topic. There are many
factors behind it. In the new curriculum, my department decide to give a final
project to a team consist of two students. This is a good news because the
possibility of student who will graduate is increased. But, this is somewhat a
setback for me. I don't usually work in a team and for my final project I want
to do a final project which is a original, only for me, my own final project.
The requirement that a final project must be done by a team makes me don't feel
that this is really my own final project.
I often consider myself as a "lone wolf" and my skills and interests differ far
from those in my department. For example, when most of students in my
department have interest in control and instrumentation engineering or building
engineering, my interest is in computation and materials engineering.
Fortunately, I still like to get along well with my friends and I still can
consider myself as an "activist" in my campus although my skills make me more
suitable as nerd, and yes, I am starting to think that I am more nerd right
now.
My department is Engineering Physics, a cool name, isn't it? But, I still don't
know for clear what is the goal and the purpose of my own department. Some say
that the core of my department is control and instrumentation engineering or
building engineering. Some say that the core of my department is to measure or
in instrumentation. Actually those definitions is a total demotivation because
I think I do not fall into group of people who think like that.
But, I got some enlightenment this morning from one of my teacher. His opinion
in my department makes me understand what role my department holds and my skill
is not a waste in my department. They talk about control, instrumentation, or
anything but the real thing is beyond that. We exist because world needs some
guys who can control the physics phenomenons so people from other departments
can use the phenomenons in their field effectively and in the process of
controlling those phenomenons there is an act of measuring, instrumentation.
Moreover, my department also involved in designing the whole system, we exist
in every part in the system which interact with physical world.
Say some people from materials engineering want to process a material into
something. For that purpose they need a spesific environment (temperature,
pressure, etc.) or specific material. Who is responsible in creating such
environment or preparing those specific (or special) material? Us. Say people
from mining engineering want to explore new resources using ground signal
sensor. Who is responsible in providing the sensor which suits the needs of
people in mining engineering? Us. We are responsible, because if it's not us,
who else will?
My lab is Computational Materials Design, you hear the name. Maybe you think
that this lab is suitable for me, isn't. Not really, I still do not really into
this. I don't know why, this lab is my dream. But, maybe this is because the
setbacks from my final project earlier. This lab is more research than
engineering, actually. Here we calculate to define the properties of material
we set in specific configuration and because of that this lab is somehow not
really get along with the purpose of my department. Although my department
needs this lab.
This lab's work is to compute and for that it needs computer, a lot of
computers, with high performance. But, for this small lab, only a few of HPC
(High Performance Computer) available, and sadly, not configured optimally. I
am just newbie here so I still don't really know how this lab works and what
will I really do. But I can say that the people in this lab is amazing. Their
works are amazing too. They often go to abroad to attend international
conference or something and get a chance to meet people from abroad. They often
get offering to continue their study in Japan, Europe, or USA.
But still, it is really hard to start working. As the last person who enter
this lab for this period, I often wonder how can I close the gap in knowledge
and skill between mine and people who enters first. Moreover, I already have a
job, and a hobby, in network engineering and administration. Although that
boost my potential in computation field, it's no use if I don't know the theory
and I do not like to be left behind. So, rather than struggling to study, I
prefer to find a new field. So, my job now become my fall back, when I feel not
motivated to study the theory. Honestly, this is what I feel now.
I don't know. Tomorrow I have to give a presentation on my final project's
progress, when there is still no progress at all. This is only me anyway, I am
the lazy one. Or maybe tonight I will try something new, trying to fing my
dying motivation and revive it again. I think this is some kind of curse
because I often compare myself with people around me and think low of myself.
But, someday I also want to say out loud that I am proud of what I really am.
Not what people think of I am.
in CentOS 6.5
